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Archive for the ‘humour’ Category

I pulled my laundry from the tumble dryer, dropped everything onto the living room sofa and began to fold. As I reached into the pile I pulled out something that looked remarkably like my favourite merino wool jumper, only smaller, much smaller. In my haste to get all my laundry done in one go, I forgot [...]

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We stood listening to the high-pitched noise of the fire alarm. When it first went off, everyone at the office froze. I could tell we were all thinking the same thing. Is it just the weekly drill or do we have to go through the bother of getting our coats and marching down the stairs [...]

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The instructions were simple.  Get up on the table and hold still.
I stretched out on the long, white table while my best friend held my hand.  Having been through the experience before, I thought it best to go with someone in the know.
“Tell me if it hurts.” The fellow said. “Some people experience a bit of discomfort [...]

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“How did you and Daddy meet?” The little girl asked.
“At a country dance; it was in a barn. Sawdust and hay were everywhere and I got dust in my eyes.”
“I don’t understand, Mummy. What does that have to do with it?”
“He only came over because he thought I was winking at him.”

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Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde

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“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”
-Douglas Adams

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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedy.
- Groucho Marx

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The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should,  for example, be able to see that things are hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise.
-unknown

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Let us endeavor to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
-Mark Twain (1835-1910)

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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

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